sliding doors

i dont know why i didnt watch "sliding doors" back in 1998. maybe because im not much of a fan of gwyneth paltrow. anyway, ive wanted to see the movie because its about alternate realities. ive always found this idea of alternate realities interesting.

anyway, this isnt about the movie. its really about alternate realities. its past midnight and i just had a thought that i might have just underwent something similar. unfortunately, it seems im on the not so good alternate reality.

few hours ago, i was contemplating on whether i should go to bicol or not. i decided not to go. weird part is, everyone except me, wants me to go or its fine for them for me to go. i dont really know why i dont want to go to bicol, i just felt like i shouldn't. its like the entire day was suited for me to go but i just kept stubbornly refusing to pick up my lazy ass and pack up. (aside from feeling i shouldn't go).

so, in comes "if" is the saddest word, and "what might have been" is the saddest phrase. i could have enjoyed myself if i allowed myself to go with my friends. but, for some reason, i just felt that i should avoid going to bicol or go somewhere and have fun. and right now im thinking, did i make the wrong turn? because looking at where things are heading, it seems the decision would lead to two entirely different versions of my life. why? because the set of decisions im going to make now would be different from the set of decisions i might make if i decided otherwise. right now, im making decisions that i would not face if i went to bicol. and these are life-changing decisions. but then again, my life is filled with wrong turns, so i guess i sort of expected it to end up this way.